Lately I've had love on my mind a lot. I think we all do, no? For me, right now I'm thinking a lot about marriage and what that will mean. I just got engaged last week, in case you hadn't heard. :) So yes, I'm thinking a lot about the wedding, how to decorate, what to wear, what to serve, the list goes on and on it seems (!!!!!!!). But I've also been reflecting a lot on Trey's and my relationship and how things have played out. We are one of those couples who nearly didn't get together. We almost didn't start dating, because I was very closed off to the idea. We dated in college, and it had not turned into a positive relationship in my life. I held onto that for years. So this time around I wasn't open to falling in love. But then I took a chance. And, thankfully, it paid off in a big way.
Of course, love isn't always about romance. We all receive and give love in so many different ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree we all need love. It's absolutely necessary to having a happy life. Since I have love on the brain these days, I thought today we could discuss a few thoughts on the subject. Here are a few things I feel strongly about, and I'd love to hear your thoughts as well.1. First, you have to love yourself.
We all come from different backgrounds. Some of us grew up in a loving and encouraging family, and some of us didn't. We've probably all had some kind of relationship in our lives that has left us feeling hurt. You can't control your outside circumstances. I wish we could. What you can control is your own choices. It can be hard to love when you feel broken. If you don't come to any relationship (romantic, friendship, family) whole, you end up (1) asking others to fill in the broken pieces or (2) shutting them out completely. You first have to love yourself. Then, you can offer relationships your strengths rather than looking to them to fix your weaknesses. We all have the power to make this decision no matter what hand life has dealt us.
2. Be someone you would love.
It is always easier to blame others. Always. What's hard is looking to yourself and realizing that maybe it's you who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the girlfriend you would fall in love with. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others' shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.
3. Love deeply.
Don't hold back. Don't hold grudges. Go all in. We've probably all been hurt before, and I'm not saying we should ignore those situations. But. Don't let past hurts prevent you from making new relationships or falling in love. This almost happened to me. I was hurt and felt justified in my unwillingness to forgive even though my circumstances had changed. And this attitude nearly prevented me from meeting my future husband. Don't be afraid to love deeply. It can be scary to depend on anyone. Be open. Be brave.
4. Choose your important relationships.
I truly believe that we should love everyone. An attitude of love to your fellow citizens is a great way to live your life. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did this? However, this does not mean that you should open yourself up to being hurt over and over again. Choose the people who you cultivate important relationships with. If someone has continually been a negative influence in your life, or doesn't treat you the way you deserve, then they should not receive the privilege of being one of your close relationships. Focus on the positive influences in your life. Love them deeply (see point 3).
5. Love is work.
Every important relationship in your life requires attention in order for it to grow. I am so guilty of being that friend who doesn't call back. It is SO easy to get busy with your life, with work or school or whatever you are passionate about and not focus on cultivating the love in your life. I should get dinner with my parents more often. I should get coffee with my sister more (work meetings don't count!). I should find ways to show Trey I love him more often. If you neglect any relationship it will decline over time. I've had many friends over the years that I've sort of drifted apart from simply because I didn't make time for them. Being a giving and loving person takes a lot of intential effort. And that's something that I'm working on this year.
What about you? Any thoughts on love you'd like to share? xo. Emma
Emma, I love seeing more of your authentic self here and hearing more of your very personal thoughts and feelings. Thanks for sharing with us so openly. It is inspiring. :)
I have been thinking a lot about love in this new year too. I want to make more time for those I love and work harder at truly being honest with my wants, needs and in my expression so I can love more fully and with less fear.
Posted by: jess | January 04, 2013 at 02:12 PM
Thank you so much for sharing this! I feel the same way, and have been thinking about point 2 quite often lately. I have been working on focusing on being someone I would love, rather then hoping that my friends/family would change. It's not easy, and I know i don't have to tell you that. Also point 5 has been at the forefront of my mind as well. Being intentional is incredibly important. I want my friends to know that I want to have relationship with them. I hope to get better at it. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck as you begin your life together. Thanks again!
Posted by: Makayla | January 04, 2013 at 02:16 PM
This is beautiful, I love this. It took me a long time to realize that love is work. To get over the little things. To hug your SO when you had a dumb fight, just to get over it and get back to smiling with them. It's great you know these things before you are married. I also can't wait to see what your wedding plans are as you have a lovely aesthetic. Thanks for sharing Emma!
Posted by: Marisa | January 04, 2013 at 02:18 PM
Wow, what an absolutely beautiful post Emma. This left me in tears (not of sadness, sometimes I cry just because something is beautiful) and I must say I agree with this post completely. A lot of people are so focused on others downfalls that they never take the time to work on their own. Thanks for this girl, I needed it. :)
Posted by: Bitty | January 04, 2013 at 02:22 PM
Well written, and so true. I agree with everything you said, especially loving everyone. I think some people think that the only people who deserve their love are their family, friends, and significant other. But I think you can love people in general, even acquaintances. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. I think love of community is a very powerful form of love and can make all the difference.
Posted by: daria | January 04, 2013 at 02:24 PM
Thank you so much for this beautiful, insightful post...I've been reading yours & Elsie's blogs for a while now and I must tell you I am deeply admirative of the positive spirit, and kindness I find in them. I enjoy your creativity and lovely pictures as well, but what impresses me the most is that you are both so young and so wise, so caring already!
You sure set a very nice example, professionnally and personnally!
SL
Posted by: SL | January 04, 2013 at 02:35 PM
This is one of the best blog posts that I have read in the longest time. It truly is beautiful and oh so true. It may be hardest thing in the world sometimes to love, but it is also the most beautiful. Thank you so much for this amazing reminder Emma.
xoxo,
Laura
Posted by: Laura Whitman | January 04, 2013 at 02:36 PM
I have been dating my now fiance for 12 straight years but before that we where on and off grade school sweethearts (we met and fell for one another at the age of 13). I get it, I do, but I am so glad that you took a chance on Love! I wish you nothing but the greatest life with your partner and have a wonderful time planning the wedding:)
Posted by: Renee | January 04, 2013 at 02:40 PM
My husband and I were similar! The first time we dated it ended terribly. But after years of personal growth and maturity we tried again and it is the best I could ask for!
#5 is our family new year's resolution! Being the sister/daughter/friend/wife who is there for the ones I care about. It's easy to be busy and turn into a recluse!
Posted by: AlyssaBeth | January 04, 2013 at 02:43 PM
Congratulations on your engagement!
This Febuary, me and my hubby will have our third wedding anneversary, and it just seems so unreal.
I can't believe we have been married this long, and experienced so many wonderful things (like: had two beautiful girls and a boy is on the way!) since we got together. Yes, we have our struggles, and sometimes I catch myself wondering if my life would have been easier had I chosen differently, but made my choice on that day, and I would never change that.
Looking forward to read lots of wedding-related posts this year! :)
Posted by: Jona (Mamma in Berlin) | January 04, 2013 at 02:47 PM
Wow. Thank you for this! this is SUPER duper encouraging to me! Thank you.
Posted by: TessieB | January 04, 2013 at 02:54 PM
Tender and honest thoughts, Emma. I agree with all of them. I think the one least known (or accepted) is that love is work. Loving others is so much fun, but it's self-sacrificing and time-consuming too. Thanks for sharing this! :D
http://catherinedenton.com
Posted by: Catherine Denton | January 04, 2013 at 02:56 PM
Congratulations! Good post.
So many people have this "hollywood" idea of love and that's just not realistic. That mind set also totally misses out on the beauty that resides in real love.
It does take work, but it is work that you love to do and it is well worth it.
My husband and i have almost been married 13 years and we have four beautiful children. I can honestly say that I love him more today than I did 13 years ago and 13 years ago, I thought I was more in love than I could ever be.
It just gets better. :)
Posted by: jenny | January 04, 2013 at 02:59 PM
These are all really great words. I've been married for almost 7 years and am still learning new things every day. It is very important and its easy to forget that "love isnt always about romance" - Reading the 5 Love Languages last year really opened my eyes on how to love my husband and how to recognize how he was giving me love. Changed my complete perspective on our entire relationship. I definitely reccommend it!
xx Ashleigh
www.ashflynn.blogspot.com
Posted by: Ashleigh | Love Stoned | January 04, 2013 at 02:59 PM
One of my New Years resolutions is to just love myself more. I love the part about being someone other people would love. I like that alot - great post :)
Cat
www.catgotdressed.blogspot.com
Posted by: cat | January 04, 2013 at 03:04 PM
First of all, congrats!! when i read on the blog about your engagement i felt like one of my own girlfriends was getting married, i just feel like i know you guys! haha. i am so happy for you and trey!!
I agree with your statements. I think the biggest thing in love and more specifically marriage is to always show honor and respect for the commitment you made to one another, even if at times you find it difficult(hey, it happens to the best of us). also you realize as you go along how important it is to be unselfish and put the other person ahead of yourself. you think before you get married that you are already doing that, but as life plays out and you see more of each others' flaws, you come to understand the true meaning of being unselfish, in a way i at least had never experienced before. and say sorry even when you don't feel like it. it's better to be happy and put a smile back on your partner's face rather than to always be right. even if you are right, as i always am ;)
Posted by: courtney | January 04, 2013 at 03:06 PM
Wonderful photos to go with some deep thoughts!
Posted by: Eva | January 04, 2013 at 03:14 PM
Thank you, Emma. That was beautiful, and I agree with all of those key points. I definitely love the first and second. I have always been family oriented and my life goal growing up was to get married and have a family... but at some point, I realized those two things. You can't look for that wonderful man until you have become a wonderful woman. Loving yourself and excepting who you are is so important in a relationship. Thank you again for your inspiring thoughts.
Posted by: Tasmin Skye | January 04, 2013 at 03:15 PM
I believe what you said. Love deeply, love completely, and love with purpose.
One of my favorite quotes on love/marriage is "choose your love and love your choice." Love takes work just like you said.
Posted by: brooke elyse | January 04, 2013 at 03:18 PM
I love this. I'm in that yucky, middle section of loving someone, having them love me, but knowing it just isn't working right now. And literally the only thing I can do is take care of living my best life and loving myself the most and trusting that it will either work out or something better will happen. The DIYS and the fashion and the pictures (and the puppies!) on here are great but these deeper posts are making me fall even more in love with this blog! xo
Posted by: Kerry | January 04, 2013 at 03:19 PM