Fall In Love, Love Deeply

Lately I've had love on my mind a lot. I think we all do, no? For me, right now I'm thinking a lot about marriage and what that will mean. I just got engaged last week, in case you hadn't heard. :) So yes, I'm thinking a lot about the wedding, how to decorate, what to wear, what to serve, the list goes on and on it seems (!!!!!!!). But I've also been reflecting a lot on Trey's and my relationship and how things have played out. We are one of those couples who nearly didn't get together. We almost didn't start dating, because I was very closed off to the idea. We dated in college, and it had not turned into a positive relationship in my life. I held onto that for years. So this time around I wasn't open to falling in love. But then I took a chance. And, thankfully, it paid off in a big way.

Of course, love isn't always about romance. We all receive and give love in so many different ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree we all need love. It's absolutely necessary to having a happy life. Since I have love on the brain these days, I thought today we could discuss a few thoughts on the subject. Here are a few things I feel strongly about, and I'd love to hear your thoughts as well.1. First, you have to love yourself.

We all come from different backgrounds. Some of us grew up in a loving and encouraging family, and some of us didn't. We've probably all had some kind of relationship in our lives that has left us feeling hurt. You can't control your outside circumstances. I wish we could. What you can control is your own choices. It can be hard to love when you feel broken. If you don't come to any relationship (romantic, friendship, family) whole, you end up (1) asking others to fill in the broken pieces or (2) shutting them out completely. You first have to love yourself. Then, you can offer relationships your strengths rather than looking to them to fix your weaknesses. We all have the power to make this decision no matter what hand life has dealt us.

2. Be someone you would love.

It is always easier to blame others. Always. What's hard is looking to yourself and realizing that maybe it's you who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the girlfriend you would fall in love with. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others' shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.

3. Love deeply.

Don't hold back. Don't hold grudges. Go all in. We've probably all been hurt before, and I'm not saying we should ignore those situations. But. Don't let past hurts prevent you from making new relationships or falling in love. This almost happened to me. I was hurt and felt justified in my unwillingness to forgive even though my circumstances had changed. And this attitude nearly prevented me from meeting my future husband. Don't be afraid to love deeply. It can be scary to depend on anyone. Be open. Be brave.

4. Choose your important relationships.

I truly believe that we should love everyone. An attitude of love to your fellow citizens is a great way to live your life. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did this? However, this does not mean that you should open yourself up to being hurt over and over again. Choose the people who you cultivate important relationships with. If someone has continually been a negative influence in your life, or doesn't treat you the way you deserve, then they should not receive the privilege of being one of your close relationships. Focus on the positive influences in your life. Love them deeply (see point 3).

5. Love is work.

Every important relationship in your life requires attention in order for it to grow. I am so guilty of being that friend who doesn't call back. It is SO easy to get busy with your life, with work or school or whatever you are passionate about and not focus on cultivating the love in your life. I should get dinner with my parents more often. I should get coffee with my sister more (work meetings don't count!). I should find ways to show Trey I love him more often. If you neglect any relationship it will decline over time. I've had many friends over the years that I've sort of drifted apart from simply because I didn't make time for them. Being a giving and loving person takes a lot of intential effort. And that's something that I'm working on this year.

What about you? Any thoughts on love you'd like to share? xo. Emma

Comments

[Elizabeth]

So refreshing to hear you reflect on this before jumping into wedding planning mode. Don't get me wrong- wedding plans are important and fun. But many people forget that the most important thing (marriage) is what you have for years after that one albeit special day.

[Lesley]

Oh Emma! Thanks for sharing your beautiful and inspiring thoughts. Love is something I'm thinking a lot about lately and your points are really resonating with me. I want to be as good a girlfriend as I am an aunty....different kinds of love but equally important in my world. I believe you're right that it all comes down to self-love and being willing to work at it. Heartfelt congratulations to you and Trey!

[Emma Marion]

I LOVE this post. I love how real it is. So many times we blame everything around us for how we are feeling instead of looking inside and seeing what we can fix or change for the better! This post was beautifully said! I'm so excited for this special time in your life. Love is truly a wonderful thing, Marriage being even better! <3

[The Daily Miacis]

Such a love-ly post!

I do believe that before you love someone enterily, you do need to love yourself first. Otherwise you will be half love, because in a relationship of any kind, father and daughter, son and mother, grandsons and grandparents, your best friend, your dog/cat or else. If in a relationship we are a "all" and separated we are an "half" then in a relationship that you don't love yourself, it's an half relationship because is missing one half.

I found particulary interesting the point 4: I think we can't love anyone, it's impossible. But we can be kind to everyone, we can be kind without opening ourselves to others and be hurt. I might be suspicious, I'm shy, and I only reveal myself in all only to the people more close to me.

In the end of this day, this was a great post to make me smile a bit. I do think about love everytime, and it's a constant in me.

Kisses

http://thedailymiacis.blogspot.pt/

[Dany]

I really like thoses kind of posts and I found your thoughts really interesting. I especially like the second point. Be someone you would love. I think sometimes we are so focus on finding someone to love that we forget to think about what we can bring to a relationship. Maybe if we focus more on that point love will appear by surprise . Sorry for my english. i'm french. You have readers all over the world!!!!
Congrats for your engagement!!

[MissMoney]

'Be someone you would love.' I love this. Congrats on your engagement & thank you Emma & Elsie for sharing your magic with the world.

[Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe]

Oh Emma, you do have a way with words. I am so in love with this post. I could not agree more with every point you've made. I've really understood the importance of loving yourself this last year. About a year and a half ago, I had my heart broken. And let me tell you, I felt lower than low after that experience. I attributed the rejection to the idea that there was something terribly wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough, and that I wasn't worthy of love. It has taken 18 months for me to realize that the exact opposite is true. I am now in the process of taking the risk of loving deeply again. It has been a challenge! But what is life without risk?
I am so happy that you have found love. I'm inspired. Thank you.

[Brooke]

This post is so beautiful. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, and some of this can be hard to remember. Thanks for reminding me of some of the tougher aspects of love :)

♥Brooke
http://youreinbrookelynn.blogspot.com/

[Sally]

Great post Emma. You have written it so sensitively and well. I think your first point about loving yourself is crucial. So many people go through life looking for someone to 'complete them' - like they are a half person wandering aimlessly throughout the world looking for their other half. The thing is you really need to find your self, and be complete in yourself first. The best thing my husband (we're coming up to 10 years this year) said to me when we first started dating was - 'you'll never complete me. I'm already complete. But you are challenging me to be a better man, and to look at the world from a different perspective and I want to do that for you too.' Ok there was more mushy stuff than that but I loved the fact that he recognized that we were already complete individuals who could stand on our own and be great people in life, but together we would be even better as we would inspire, encourage and love one another along the way.

Thank you so much for sharing yourself. I don't normally comment a lot on other people's blogs, but I really love when both you and Elsie share life lessons like these. You're a great encourager.

[Julie]

It's hard to remember that love needs work. I feel like if it's right, it should be easy. Good wake up call.

[Dee]

My boyfriend of 3 years just joined the Marines and this post was just what I needed. So thank you =)

Another thing I'd like to add is that love comes with sacrifices and being a team!

[Sara]

Thanks for the great post. I really agree that it's important to remember love IS work. If your a stubborn gal like me, it can sometimes be tough to recognize that working on love means working on yourself. Thank goodness my hunnie is so patient with me! Congrats on your engagement!

[Faryn]

I think these tips are so true, especially one that love is work (that's something not portrayed in Disney fairytales for sure!) I have been in a relationship for 9 years next week (not yet engaged but I think this will be the year!) and I have learned so much. The first 5-6 years I was stuck in this idea that love has to be a certain type and when I relaxed and let things flow more naturally things started to flow beautifully and it even has surprised me how much better it has been.

[Kora]

Emma, thank you so much for this post!! It has really struck a cord with me. After my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me a few years ago, it's been very hard for me to open up to love again. I've grown so much since then but I still struggle from time to time. I needed to hear this and what a perfect time for it as we start a new year. This is why you all are my favorite bloggers! I love how much heart you put into life. It's absolutely lovely and inspirational. Thanks again! xoxo

[keishua]

congrats on your engagement. i think that you sum up things quiet nicely. the last one is especially important. paying attention and being intentional can make a world of difference.

[Kristi]

you know when you get SUPER excited and jump up and down for someone...you (sort of) know? That was me when I saw the instagram that you were engaged!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! *haha :) I'm SO SO SO So Happy for you!

I recently found myself in a similar situation where I met someone who is probably more perfect for me than anyone I'd ever met, and instead of giving it a chance, I ran for the hills because I've made so many wrong decisions in the past. Luckily, we reconnected a couple weeks ago and I wouldn't be suprised if we got married one day. I can't even begin to think of what was going on in my mind before. It's crazy how love is.

Beyond that, I've been also thinking a lot about love and my interations with people. I think in the last year I've done a great job of not neglecting my friends and nurturing those relationships as best I could, and want to continue that, but I am challenging myself to be more open and loving to strangers this year. Living in Los Angeles (Hollywood, specifically), I feel I always have to have my guard up and be ready for danger and I find myself being so harsh and sometimes unkind for no reason, hoping to make that change this year - and see the growth of my re-newed relationship! :) eek!

[Chianne Hood]

This is such a lovely post. I agree with all of these but especially the first one. If you don't love yourself, you will not be able to really love anyone else. Congrats again on your engagement!

http://thehonestfox.blogspot.com/

[EB]

I have read your blog for years and this is the first comment I've been brave enough to write but I just recently got engaged too and I am so in love with that guy! thanks for writing this amazing post! Its so important to know these things! I think you are sweet as pie and I am stoked to see how your wedding is going to turn out, but even more to see how happy you will be in LOVE and in marriage! Bless ya!

[Julia]

I think it's great you're thinking about this so intensely. A lot of people only see the wedding, not the marriage. I personally don't 'believe' in marriage and as of right now, I don't want to get married, but if someone does, they should be aware they are committing themselves to another human being. I think you know what you're doing :) Best of luck!

[Tara Elmore]

Wow, Emma, thank you so much for this post. For me, it is incredibly well timed. The hardest part about love, for me, is working through disagreements and conflicts (which are inevitable when you are close to someone). I haven't had a lot of practice with conflict resolution (my family tends to swallow emotions and let them simmer - bad!), but my partner of the last 8 years has really helped me to understand that people who love each other communicate with each other and how you should come out the other side of a conflict stronger and more understanding and connective! You are so right - love is work!